Unless You Believe In Him, He Will Die
by Suen Yuu Qi
Summary: [KenshinxKaoru] He had tried to hurt her, toyed with her feelings, and wounded her heart. But deep inside, he loves her. He loves her so much, so far that in the end, he just might kill her. last chapter up!
1. Chapter 1

**Story:** 3 chapters altogether. Titled, "Unless She Believes in the Rurouni, He will die." It's long, but it's the best I found fitting XD

**Author:** Hikari Ja'ne

**Disclaimer:** No luck this time. And I'm still just starting to watch the anime; the manga I only briefed through without knowing much about the story, but I know enough to write a fanfiction ne? P

**Notes:** This is the first time I wrote a love story between a guy and a girl, believe it or not. This story has contents that are in the manga that isn't in the anime, like Tomoe (Kenshin's wife in which he killed during the Tokugawa). I prefer shonen-ai and yaoi, but for Rurouni Kenshin, the anime is just more fitting for a guyxgirl lol Anyways, I don't want to talk too much, excuse me for my poor English writing, I feel like I've lost my touch .. So, on to the story!

**Notice:** I like to use "he" or "she" only when there are just two characters involved in the scene, so don't expect too many names here and there.

**Key:** In _Italics_ flashback, context will clarify.

* * *

**Glossary**

Kisama "You" (Impolitely)

Matte "Wait"

Ore wa "I / I am"

Anta dare "Who are you" (Impolitely)

Demo "But"

Anata wa baka "I am foolish"

Doushite "Why"

Serimasen "I'm sorry / Forgive me"

* * *

**UNLESS YOU BELIEVE IN HIM, HE WILL DIE**

Hitokiri Battousai.

Deep down, he knew that his infamous fame during the Bakumatsu did not diminish. It was quite controversial to have murdered countless, but to have almost died just as many times as well. There was never a time he didn't draw his sword to save his own life.

And now, his sword was drawn to save the lives of others. Ridiculous.

He was a hypocrite, now that was doubtless. Unless the crimes he committed spare the agony of his heart, he'd never truly be a pure wanderer.

But even after those days, he found a life. He submitted to his duties, a responsibility that was the least possible to honor those who died at the blood in his hands.

At least, that was what he thought.

It had been a while since he had considered a permanent shelter. Yet, this may have come to him without warning, especially at a dojo. Immunity never lasted in one place forever, although he found it touching to have called it a "home."

And right now, he didn't want to leave.

However, everything going on was against his will. Looking up at the dark sky so high and clear above his head, a serene peace accommodated his silence, feeling the cold shivers of the sakura tree behind him.

So who was he?

He grimaced.

She had never called him _that_ before, that's certainly true, but then again, numerous other people had called him that name, not just once or twice, but everyday since the Meiji began. Nevertheless, such a strange but fitting name never bothered him once.

Hence, it shouldn't be irritating to hear her call him that name so vigorously, so nastily, haunting, and horribly cruel. For her voice, the tone of many other women sounded much more threatening.

Then why did it hurt so much? She only said it once, and he wasn't fully sure if she really meant it, but most likely, her words weren't just for jokes, especially at this time.

Especially since he had hurt her. Intentionally.

_The defeating sound of the blade echoed at the mighty gasp of her scream. From the corner of his eye, a fresh color of blood dripped down the side of his face. When it flowed to the tip of his mouth, he licked it, savoring the taste that was tangled in hurt and pain. That is, because the owner of the blood was not him._

_It was her. Kaoru._

_He watched the heavily worn out scene of her dropping down to her knees. An arm supported her weight as her head bent down to the ground, uneven beats of panting that spurt out a good handful of blood._

_Determined, she tried her best to stand up, but the wound on her shoulder would not allow her to raise an arm._

"_Kisama…" a hoarse voice exclaimed._

_A smile evilly spread across his face, the crimson red bangs hovering over his murderous eyes. Without hesitation, he sheathed his sword, the blade that had just deeply cut her shoulder left with bloodstains._

_Swiftly, he made his way toward her, his right hand cupping her chin. The touch stiffened her and as her head lifted up, the angry eyes shot back at him._

_Yet, before she could say another word, he suddenly pulled her in…_

"_Uh!" she yelped._

…_and sealed her lips with his._

_The kiss was devouring and salty, a pressure of demand accompanied with the taste of blood all mixed in. His tongue ravished the cavern of her mouth, as if seeking out her soul and locking it only within his range. His arms went around her and pulled her in close and tight, his fingers threading through the fine strands of her hair. His tongue caught hers at full and tangled, licking the kinky taste of her saliva. Deeper still, he crushed her even more, his tongue slipping down the entrance of her throat. _

_This was what he wanted and nothing could stop him. The lips were all his to take, all his to feed, all his to taste. There was no one else who could take her away from him._

_At last, he parted, both gasping for the light of air. She struggled to release herself from his hold, which he allowed. Standing up, he smiled with satisfaction, his eyes narrowed with contempt, and headed out the door. _

_She, upon seeing this, would not make matters end, not until she could see his cry of defeat. "Matte!"_

_Halted in his tracks, he turned to see her struggling to get up. "Ore wa…" she cried. "I'm not done with you yet."_

_At the success of holding herself up on her feet, silence plagued the room._

"_Anta dare?" she yelled._

_It was so amusing that the only thing he found reasonable to do at the moment was laugh. "Ne, what kind of question is that?" he chuckled._

"_I want to know who you are! Who you really are!"_

_He slowly walked toward her, a sorrowful light glistening in his eyes. "Demo…"_

"_Just answer me!" she roared, backing up against the wall._

_Grinning, he mildly shook his head to rid of the hair that fell to the front. "Saa," he said as he put on the jolly mask that she had known him for so long. Eyes closed, a cheerful innocent smile plastered on his face, and his hands cupped together on his back. "Who do you think I am?"_

_The question caught her by surprise. "You're…you're…" she stuttered._

_Upon seeing his face, she knew that she was made a fool of. This was a madman, a manslayer, a swordsman with a cold heart. His blade would slash painlessly, without regret. The one she knew before, the samurai who called himself a wanderer, a rurouni, was gone. He was not the real one, not the real kind. He was a fake. And this time, he won't ever come back. She will make sure of it._

"_You're a Battousai," she stated, fists clenched until her nails that dug into her palm could pierce through her skin. "That's who you are! You're the Hitokiri Battousai!"_

_The words were like needles, small but deadly. And it aimed right at his heart, killing every nerve cell, every part of his memory. It ripped apart his whole face, his smile gone, the glint in his eyes vanished, until all that was left was his scar and a manslayer._

_But he was not the manslayer who destroyed the lives of others; this time, he was killing himself._

_Headache, he couldn't help thinking as he placed a hand firmly on his forehead._

_He had lost control; he hated himself for that. He wouldn't hurt her, not the one he cared for the most. Otherwise, what just happened, he didn't understand, he didn't know. The blood, the wound, the kiss, the scar, and…her eyes…fear…_

_But they meant nothing to him anymore. Nothing mattered anymore, because the only thing he could quite remember the best were her words, the last few words she had just said._

_What had he done?_

"_Kaoru…" he blinked and slowly lifted his head up to meet her eyes. What he saw shattered him. They were eyes of wolves, but weak and filled with unshed tears. And they were allied with the wind of a tornado, but all that determination only died down upon the strength of his sword._

_Instantly, he spotted her shoulder, a hand clutching painfully over the injury. His eyes widened. Did I…do that?_

"_Kaoru-dono!" _

_He reached forward to touch the back of her hand, but was immediately shoved away with her wooden weapon._

"_Don't touch me!" she commanded and with both hands, her swung the stick hard on his back, bringing him forcefully against the wall. Upon contact, he squinted, a small cry let out from his throat._

_Inside, he knew he deserved all this. _

Forgotten. What happened after that, he couldn't remember.

He closed his eyes and let the darkness conceal him, relaxing his tensions. There were so many things he wanted to ask, so many things he wanted to know, so many things he wanted to tell her. But that was done for.

Maybe he should have told her first, but this thought had been ignored due to his fear or rejection. The answer would most likely have been embarrassingly depressed; he had expected nothing more from her. Yet, time has gone by so long, and so quickly. The thought that she doesn't feel the same way became more and more assured inside his heart. And it hurt.

It hurt until he lost control of himself.

Is it wrong? Is it wrong to love a person?

Maybe it was not for him, not for the Hitokiri Battousai. Love was not meant for him, he should have learned that when Tomoe died, her heart slashed with his very own sword. And this time, he almost killed Kaoru.

"Anata wa baka," he muttered. He should have learned since Tomoe's incident, that love was not meant for the life of a Battousai.

It never was. And it never will be.

* * *

She clenched her teeth and threw the pillow right over her desk, toppling the books off the edge of the desk. Madness overwhelmed her pretty nature. The thought of what had just happened, of what he had just done, broke apart everything. 

"Doushite!" she sobbed, punching the crumpled blanket on the floor. "Doushite…"

_She didn't know how to act. Right before her eyes, she saw the line of blood trickling down his lips, but surprisingly, his nose didn't bleed. Most people whom she attacked seemed to have more dignity to fall than to stand up and resist._

_But then again, this was Kenshin, the former Hitokiri Battousai. A wooden stick couldn't possibly defeat him._

_So that was why, it shocked her to see him slide down the height of the wall, and crouching over the handle of a chair for support as he sat down, leaning at a corner._

"_K-Kenshin?" _

_Although her fear lagged her hesitation to approach the man, she gradually made her way across the room, only to stop a few steps before him._

_What she saw stunned her._

_Tears were humbly falling down his cheeks and his bangs were lowered to cover the hurt in his eyes, watery and sweaty. His teeth were mashed against his lips, biting down so strong that it oozed blood. A small whimper could almost be heard from his coughs, but it was evident he was trying to conceal the current state he was in then._

_For a moment, she wanted to comfort him, hold him, and wash his wounds, just like she had always done before. But immediately, she defied the thought, after coming to the sense of how he had just hurt her._

"_Kaoru…dono…"_

_At the sound of his voice, she almost flinched, but kept herself steady as she nodded to reassure him her attention. A part of her wanted him to lift his head up, to clear his face of the blood mixed with his and hers, but apparently, he solely refused to do so._

_He smiled, but this time, not the kind that threatened to slay her. This was one of care, love, pain, hurt, and grievance all at the same time. "Serimasen."_

_A flash. And then, he was gone._

Anger flooded her mind as she punched the legs of her table.

Baka, she thought. He was right there, the Hitokiri Battousai, but she was just too weak.

"Why didn't I…? Why didn't I…just…?" she blinked and stared into empty space at coming to the realization of what she was about to say next.

"…kill him?"

* * *

**Author's Notes:** Critique! How was this? I've already got the whole story written, basically, and I was thinking about making it oneshot, but it came out 15 pages lol P So I divided it up and now, I did some revisions as well XD The writing got somewhat crappy, fluffy stuff isn't my thing anyhow. Still, I haven't wrote for so long, so I probably got degraded somehow lol P Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed this! 

**Next up:** Preview Portion

At the verge of screaming at herself, she dug her nails into her pillow. "I don't pity him," she scowled. "I-I just…I just want…"

I just want Kenshin back, not the Battousai.

Not the manslayer.

Just Kenshin…just him…

But a part of her knew, a part of her knew, yet denied, that the two were one and the same. He would always be Kenshin, yet he would always be the Battousai as well. One man with two souls, two sides, in which one will protect and the other would kill.

The last of what Sanosuke said, it didn't quite soothe her.

"_Unless you believe in him, he will die."_

He will die…?


	2. Chapter 2

YAY! The next chapter is up, I editted a little, but not uch. Okay, I won't talk. Any other words I should say look back at chapter 1. So, on with it! XD

**Glossary:**

Iya "No"

Hai "Yes"

Souka "I see"

Nani "What"

Nandemo nai "Never mind / It's nothing"

Shikashi "But / However"

Rurouni "Wanderer"

Sugoi "Excellent / Extremely good"

Betsuni "It was nothing"

Sasuka "As expected of…"

Omae "You"

Arigatou "Thank You"

* * *

**UNLESS YOU BELIEVE IN HIM, HE WILL DIE**

Although the vegetables that were bought just yesterday were settled on the table counter, she absolutely didn't know what to do with them. Although it was Kenshin who bought all those ingredients, it could never be Kenshin eating her meals again. Never.

Choking on a small sob, she couldn't shake her desire to see Kenshin the way he was before again. The way he used to be, his smile, his laughter, his clumsiness, his touch and care, and even his use of "oro" was somewhat memorable. Smiling now, Kaoru could see how kind and protective he was and how close of a family member he was to her.

It clearly was a pain to see that he would never be the same again, not that he probably ever was truly that way anyhow.

She shook her head irritably. "Iya, that's not him. That was all…fake." He's the Hitokiri Battousai, she thought. He had never changed once.

"So you were here."

At the tone of the voice, she turned around, gasping, only to find Sanosuke leaning against the doorway, his furrows frowning a little with annoyance.

"Ah? Sano…"

"Hai hai!" he stood up properly, his hands tucked into his pockets and his eyelids closed. "You're quite a slacker today, Kaoru-chan. It's already nearly 3-o-clock, an hour since you've been in this kitchen. You're way too slow, woman!"

Though the joke was hardly a riddle, Kaoru found it extremely hard to laugh alongside. "Souka."

Sanosuke paused at the irrelevant response.

Sighing, he walked around the table and sat down casually on the seat closest to Kaoru. Eyeing her new companion, she could see the light in his eyes had diminished; he was quite serious in the matter of something new. Quite.

But tending to uninvited visitors into her private room, she ignored his presence and began to head outside.

"Humph!" she scolded. "You need more patience, Sano-kun."

The guy merely chuckled.

Putting on a mischevieous grin, she continued, "Or…hmm, I can just serve you fish bones for lunch, considerably that it is I who makes our meals everyday."

"Nani. Matto wo!"

"Phft."

Yahiko was first to finish, as always. His immense appetite ceased to degrade his unusually misinterpreted table manners, or more likely, it got worse. With a buffed stomach and a satisfied meal, he joyfully hopped back into the dojo for a quiet nap.

That leaves the two others alone.

That is, without Kenshin.

"So where'd he go?"

She stopped midway as her chopsticks dangled in the air. There was always a reason for Sano to have come join the family clan, not because he was invited really; the way they first met was not very welcoming, but because of his curiosity. He had a self-indignant for Kenshin, thus the fact that he was to use his sword as a means of protection wasn't convincing enough.

Of course, she was expecting him to notice his disappearance. The fight just yesterday had gone unclean and tangled in a mix of disorder. Plus, Sanosuke had a good eye on things, perhaps not as keen as Kenshin's, but the IQ is much more effective as many others still.

Noticing her lack of reaction, Sanosuke sighed. "Women. I'll never understand you."

This, on the other hand, caught her by immediate surprise. "Nani? What are you saying?" Glad to have her look of attention, Sanosuke shrugged playfully.

"I'm not a baka like you," he grunted out, placing the kitchen utensils and his bowl on the terrace. "The basement was a mess when I came back. I just wanted to see if you'd mention it."

She growled.

"And apparently, you didn't." He looked at her.

Crossing her arms, "Humph, why would I be telling you? Ladies prefer men with more gratitude and responsibility, these honorable kind of dignities which you obviously lack!" She pouted.

In response that Sanosuke merely smirked. "Maa, don't worry about it. I don't steal woman, especially his. I'd be dead then."

"Eh?"

He waved off the puzzled look in her eyes. "Iye, nandemo nai."

Standing up, she tried her best to refrain from beating him up with the broom right next to her. What a pervert! "I'm going in first, don't mind me. And remember to clean yourself up after you finish."

"Matte," he ordered, the mood in his voice suddenly factual. "What about Kenshin?"

Silence.

Unable to see her facial expression due to her back facing him instead, he stood up and pat his legs as the dirt fell off. Still, she refused to answer.

Women, he thought to himself. "I saw him."

Immediately stiffening, she gulped. "You…you saw him?" She bit her tongue. He's still out there right? Of course, he never leaves his prey without getting what he wants. He had never changed.

"Hai, this morning, I saw him, at the nearby forest right outside of the town. Don't worry, I didn't approach him because he didn't look too well, and plus, he's a man of his own life, doesn't need anyone else." He had a hunch that attention was finally starting to divert to him.

However, she still didn't move.

"Kaoru…" he began, irritation starting to climb up his spine.

But then, she whirled around.

"IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!" she screamed back.

He swallowed hard. Taken aback by her rubbish shriek, he stared dumbfounded at the face she presented to him. The only thing Sanosuke typically realized was the look in her eyes. Hurt. Pain. Tears. That was all he saw. That was all that was there for him to see, the fact that Kaoru was wounded; in her heart, someone had stabbed it and right now, it's bleeding soundly.

Kenshin, what did you do? What did you do to her?

"He…almost killed me," she unknowingly answered. Tilting her head to the side, she winced at the terror she had gone through just yesterday.

He didn't know what to say.

Gaping at her, he suddenly discovered that she'd never acted like this before. She had never been so broken, so weak and fragile. For a woman, her tough, arrogant side had always dominated her innocence, but those close to her witnessed her childish manners once in a while. No matter what happened, she was strong and she believed in the sword style of her father, the kind that protects people and keep the society ordered.

But now…

Something inside of him glowed in fury, angered at the one cause of this girl's solemn heart. Kenshin, he thought, you fool.

Wrapping an arm lightly around her shoulders, he watched her fight back the memory passively. "It's okay, you don't have to tell me about it."

She sobbed, small gasps of hiccups mingled in sweat and salty teardrops. Agreeably, she nodded.

"Shikashi, I want to tell you this…"

And so, she listened.

* * *

It was yet another day, and he still hadn't come back. 

It was remarkably achievable to fool Sanosuke, she found out. He never noticed her wounds, or at least, he never asked about it. The robe she wore covered the bandaged cut, which was then wrapped in a wet towel, eventually replaced with a firm strap knot.

Lying on her bed, she closed her eyes and breathed smoothly. Ever since morning, Sanosuke's words infiltrated her mind until she didn't know exactly what she was thinking anymore.

"_Chaos exists in every second of time. At some point, friendship just wouldn't be enough."_

That was the first to succeed in confusing reality for her.

"_You have to make a decision, Kaoru-san. You can bring back the rurouni you picked up that fateful day, or you can revive the legendary Hitokiri Battousai. It all depends on your love."_

That was humorous, she thought sarcastically, I would one day fall in love with the man who was bound to kill me someday. Smart.

"_But don't pity him, don't throw away your sense of self as he did long before he met you. In your world, the most important thing should be your life."_

At the verge of screaming at herself, she dug her nails into her pillow. "I don't pity him," she scowled. "I-I just…I just want…"

I just want Kenshin back, not the Battousai.

Not the manslayer.

Just Kenshin…just him…

But a part of her knew, a part of her knew, yet denied, that the two were one and the same. He would always be Kenshin, yet he would always be the Battousai as well. One man with two souls, two sides, in which one will protect and the other would kill.

The last of what Sanosuke said, it didn't quite soothe her.

"_Unless you believe in him, he will die."_

He will die…?

* * *

The wind howled and the leaves rustled. Small whispers of the eerie night bristled through the yard, a speck of red, but dulled under the dark sky, flashed into the open. The shadow kneeled quietly on the middle branch, stealthily watching the girl by the upstairs window. 

A briskly sigh escaped his mouth, cold and dry in the wintry air. His right hand rested upon the handle of his sword, tucked in his katana.

Apparently, she wasn't very much in sight, but by sixth sense, he had a feeling she was in bed, despite that the candlelight wasn't out yet. As she suddenly sat up and stretched, yawning while her arms reached up, he found it only amusing enough to smile, a weak sorrow locked between his lips.

He saw it all, and he knew one thing: she didn't tell Sanosuke about it. And even if she did, there would be one thing she would leave out. The kiss.

He really didn't know why he kissed her at all. It just…came to him, all of a sudden; there was no explanation for his daring action that time. He didn't have half the mind he knew what he was doing really. Yet somehow, it felt good. Those lips he had stolen and pressed, beating both their hearts with the greatest speed…

…it had felt so good.

"Sugoi. I didn't know you were around until she left," the voice reached his ear before the speaker was able to comprehend, but he chose not to respond. Sanosuke stopped at the bottom of the tree and looked up at the figure above him.

Sanosuke smirked. "As the usual, you're never surprised."

A light rustle in the trees told him that Kenshin received his message, but there was no indication that he was planning to come down.

At last, "Your words were intriguing, Sano."

"Hmm? Should I be flattered?" he laughed, leaning against the tree trunk as he crossed his legs. "I know you too well, Kenshin, but whatever happened between you two, I can't help."

He shut his eyelids. "Sano…"

"Don't tell me, I don't want to know about it," a naughty smile spread across his face, the bandana hidden under his bangs.

An epidemic serenity dominated the night. Kaoru had already gone to sleep, the light in her room dimly watched over by the caressing moon. Though feeling a little molested at the silence between the two, Sanosuke found pleasure in watching the stars up so high.

I wonder why I've always found the night so mysterious, he thought.

"Sano."

He didn't move. "Mm?"

"It's…a complicated matter, you know."

The pause that followed almost convinced Sanosuke that the red head probably did not hear him, yet of course, the legendary swordsman was more sensitive than he seemed.

But then, he continued. "Love is sweet and tender; it's eternal and comforting, its legacy never dies. That's how I learned it when I met Tomoe."

Hesitation was in the air. "But such gentle love, I realized, just isn't for me."

It was shocking, the sorrow in his voice. Although Saonsuke couldn't see him, he could feel the agony that the man was in. It was full of the gloomy Tokugawa days, but it was also mixed with hurt, the kind of hurt that only comes when love is broken and injured. "Kenshin…"

"The Hitokiri Battousai was only a manslayer. Perhaps that was all he was destined to be, that was all he was meant to become, a man who kills." Kenshin winced. "But…Sano…"

His friend looked up.

"Sano…sometimes, I just wished I was never that Hitokiri Battousai."

Sanosuke lifted up a half smile. "Demo, Kenshin, you had the determination as that of any other samurai that time, to bring about a new era. You weren't the only one."

"True, Sano," Kenshin sighed. "But once you slay a man, you're already become a killer. The Battousai, I, could never rid that guilt, that kind of murderer still inside of me. Sano, you wouldn't understand what it is like to be the manslayer, to be known as one. The Battousai can never lead a life, a life he wants, a life he will enjoy and treasure until he leaves the world. He cannot roam the cities without the accusation of a murderer in his heart and he cannot escape the consequences of all those he had killed. It will only live on in his days, the Hitokiri Battousai."

"Sano." Suddenly, he stood up, balanced well on the branch.

The bandana man turned his head to the side. "Yeah?"

He jumped swiftly onto the ground. "Thanks for listening."

The other man smirked, surprisingly; after such words that he had just heard from his pal. "Betsuni. Someone needs to be there when you chatter like that." He elbowed the tree. "So anyways, you're here…because…?"

"I came to see her, just to watch over her one last time before I leave," Kenshin replied, nearly emotionlessly.

Sanosuke quirked his eyebrows. "Before you leave?"

He nodded. "Hai, the government called for me again, last week that is. I didn't know how to tell you guys and I wasn't sure whether or not to go."

The other man jokingly scratched his head. "Maa, it's only a request I believe. How long will you be gone?"

"I told you. I'm leaving. I won't be coming back for this time."

"Nani!" Sanosuke jerked his head around to face the red head.

Nevertheless, there was no reaction; sasuka Kenshin. "It's in another town, about 8 hours away by vehicle. The commander said that if I agreed on this mission with them, I shouldn't be planning to come back. It's too far off."

"Demo…doushite, Kenshin? You really don't want to go, right? You got us here, in the dojo, for too long to just go off again."

Kenshin nodded, a bit on the solitary side. "If she doesn't welcome me here, I will go." He looked hastily up at his friend and grinned. "The Hitokiri Battousai learned what it felt like to lose his wife and slay thousands, he's gotten used to this. It won't be long."

Though he wanted to protest, Sanosuke pushed that aside and instead, let out a gasp of exhaustion. "Omae…" he grinned back. "Go on, I won't watch."

The other sadly closed his eyes halfway. "Arigatou, Sano. Arigatou."

* * *

**Notes: **Comments? I know it's a bit laggy I suppose, but I think the next chapter should be the final one, so it's just a plotless short story, eh? P  



	3. Chapter 3

The last chapter is up! Again, for more info, look back at the first chapter ;) Thanks to all my reviewers! XD You're all so great! I hope this ending is okay, I don't think it's rich enough, but I'm mildly satisfied lol P

**Glossary:**

Sayonara "Goodbye (as a means of never seeing the person again)"

Wakata "I know"

Souna "That can't be"

Ashiteru "I love you"

* * *

The familiar passageway through the front door melted into his mind as memories of his days at the dojo came back. It had only been a day, but knowing the fact that he would be leaving pierced his remembrance as it gave him a tingling feeling. This place where he had lived as his home for half a year, almost to the end of summer, never again would he come back. Never again. 

Entering upon a room, the first thing in sight was just black. The color tended to cover miles to come during the night, Kenshin figured, but it was not so much as hideous. Actually, at this time, it was probably a thankful way of nature for he felt safer hidden in the darkness, where Kaoru wouldn't have to see him.

On the ground lay the angel, her long silky black hair sprawled across the wooden floor, her eyelashes closed, unmoving, but alive and breathing. Her lips were slightly open, enough for thin portions of air to flow in and out. A sleeping bag tucked her in nicely, more so that one arm was bended beside her head and the other straight down next to her legs.

Such a pretty sight, Kenshin thought, had never been cherished for months. Tomorrow, it would all just vanish, all memories of her.

He slowly walked toward the girl, kneeling down next to her. "Kaoru-dono," he whispered.

Naturally of course, she was fast asleep.

A sad smile swept quickly on and off of his face. His eyes shifted from her face down to her exposed shoulder, where he suddenly noticed the cut too close to her neck. With grief, he gently traced his fingers down the wound that he knew, hurt so much. He had watched her all day and although Sanosuke may not have noticed it, he noticed the small expressions she had, her eyes squinting and her excuses to rest more often than usual. It wasn't the fact that Kaoru was evidently suffering from the injury, but that the cause of it all was him.

"Kaoru-dono, don't be so hard on yourself. Truthfully, all of this is my fault, I just failed to see it coming," he said, unconsciously soothing the sleeping maiden.

He closed his eyes. "I've been with you for almost half a year," he wasn't sure where to start, but wherever it was, he had to say something, even if she couldn't be listening. "It had been fun, really. I enjoyed all the time we had together and I'm glad that I was able to meet you.

"Kaoru-dono, you've been a true friend. You've been…so kind to me, Kaoru-dono," he continued. "I was deeply touched that you still accepted me for who I am despite my past. And it may seem that you didn't mind that I stayed with you like a family. It was honorable, Kaoru-dono. It was very honorable of you.

"Demo, I'm leaving tomorrow, for good, just so you might like to know. I might not come back, or even if I do, it won't be for another couple of years. I can stay here instead, if you want, but…"

He didn't know how to finish that line. Really, what other possible solution is there than for him to leave? What excuses could Kaoru-dono be making? Lowering his head to the floor, he gradually trailed off; there was no reason to keep going on.

"I'm not so sure how to tell you this." He resumed. "You may not believe it as the way I may say it, that is most likely so, but I want you to hear me out before I leave. You've been a brave girl, you lived with a stranger without any hesitation, and consent is far too off for such a courageous person like you. I am sure that in the future, you will be a model, a symbolism, for all those you teach."

He paused, observing her silently in her dreams. "However, you can't accompany me. I'm the Hitokiri Battousai.

"It's just like how you said it. No matter what I may act like, no matter what I may want to be, I am a manslayer deep down inside, the kind of man that will not change. Perhaps, I didn't want to face that fact, but perhaps, I may also be grateful that you showed me the true me, the true person I really am, and I can't change that fact.

"I, the legendary Battousai, cannot live with a lady who has never shed a man's blood before. I cannot stay with you in harmony; it is fate that we cross bonds, but it isn't so that the bond is tied."

He sighed.

"I am a wanderer. If I am unwanted here, I will wander again."

He stopped. "I truly wish I can stay with you, but things…have changed. I will always envy that man, that man who you will live on with love that will bloom, he will be the most fortunate.

"Gomen, Kaoru-dono," he gulped, resisting the urge to cry, "I never meant to hurt you."

He let go of his sheathed sword, which he finally realized he had been squeezing the whole time. In front of him, Kaoru moaned in her sleep, sending shivers up his spine. Lowering his head toward her face, he noted the smell of flowers from her, her cooking may be pretty awful (but improving), but she had a natural talent for nature.

Her cheeks were white, even under the darkest of the moonlit room, which a tinge of red, smooth and clean, just like pedals. Gently, he touched her face, fingering her neck and ears playfully.

"Let me tell you something, Kaoru-dono," he leaned closer to her, only the moist of his breath separated the two. He breathed onto the pale skin that he had admired for so long, and attempted to lick the eyelids of her tender face. "You're beautiful."

With that, he stood up. My job's done here, he thought. It's time to go.

As he headed out the door, he fought the urge to turn around. A part of him was yearning to know if Kaoru woke up, if she would accept him again and as she always had done before, ordered him to stay. But the other part of him was afraid, afraid that she wouldn't care, afraid that she would be better off with him gone.

"Sayonara, Kaoru-dono."

Without even stopping to look back, he opened and closed the door behind him, the same old night still in the air, the darkness that engulfed the world now surrounding his aura.

He stepped down from the porch, each with a solemn act of remorse. Now, it would only be a few paces away before he would leave the residence forever and never come back ever again.

If this is fate, he thought, then this is how it should be.

That's when suddenly, the door behind him opened.

Shocked, he slowly cocked his head to the side.

Kaoru!

There she stood. Her pajamas neatly dressed, though her hair in a fritz, she was calm, her face dimmed in the shadow of the moon, but her eyes, he would clearly see, were sadly narrowed, not the happiest sight he had seen her in. But there was neither happiness nor anger he felt within her. That, at the least, was all he could expect.

Speechless for a moment, he turned fully around, his feet firmly steadied on the ground. "Kaoru-dono." It was said as a means of recognition.

To which she answered, "Mm."

He grinned mildly. "Saa, so you were awake?"

"Hai."

"Ah, souka," he mumbled.

The silence that followed brought Kaoru to her nerves as she walked along the path and neared Kenshin. Looking closer, he saw the stern look she possessed, one of seriousness and the kind of tough attribute he had always admired her for.

She pressed on. "You said…you're leaving?"

"Yes, that I am," was the response. "The government is in need of me again. I am going to the nearby town, which I must arrive at noon tomorrow."

She frowned. "I heard about this plan…last week."

He sighed. "Yes, that's true. I was told of this a couple of days ago as well."

"Then why didn't you tell me immediately?"

He stopped, not too sure whether to reply to this or not. But looking into her uneasy eyes, he easily gave in. "I didn't know if I should worry you or not."

"Worry me?" she stepped closer and stared promptly into his eyes. "Who is the one worrying here? Why do you always have to be so selfish?"

Her sudden scream caused Kenshin to backtrack a little before comprehending her widened eyes. "K-Kaoru-"

"Don't call me that!" she yelled. "You have no right to call me that name anymore if you're going to kill someone else!"

He frowned, confusion mingling in his thoughts. "Nani…"

"I heard about it, from the Commander, he was speaking about this," she explained. "They're planning to destroy a clan that had been rebelling the Meiji for years already. There's ten thousands of members in it, you couldn't be planning to prevent a fight. You'll be ordered to kill."

He looked away, away from the eyes that scolded his childish misbehavior. "Wakata…"

"Nani? Kenshin, you knew this already?"

"Hai," he quickly replied, tinted with a grieving tone. "They told me about it already. The leader of the clan had killed a total of 84 people with his sword, and that's only by record. He could have killed as many as 200, but the military couldn't let him go easily. I was asked to capture him and bring him on a trial for death sentence."

He paused. "Demo, based upon his reputation, I would most likely have to kill him right on the spot."

"IYA!" Her scream echoed the nightly atmosphere. A bit taken aback, Kenshin speculated her facial expression, sensing the fear in her eyes.

"You will not go!" she cried. "You will not kill! You swore an oath on this, remember!"

Quietly, he began to slightly shake his head. "Kaoru-dono…"

"Kenshin, you wouldn't kill again, no matter what, no matter what the circumstance, you will not kill a man ever again! You promised!" Waterfalls of tears threatened to spill out, Kenshin could see how she was trying to keep them from falling.

He smiled sadly. "Gomen ne, Kaoru-dono, for making you cry. I had sworn a promise that can never be true for me."

Her eyes widened in shock.

"I don't mean to lie to you, but if I knew then that such a tactic wouldn't work, I would never have said it. I am truly sorry, that I am," he said.

"Iya, you're not sorry. If you are, you wouldn't be doing this!" she grabbed him by his shoulders and began shaking him, as if trying to wake him up from a world unknown. "Kenshin! You kill a person, you're the legendary manslayer again, but that's not who you are anymore! You're the Hitokiri Battousai no more."

"Kaoru-dono," his jaws lowered, his eyebrows softened to sadness and bitter realization. "Gomen. I do not have the courage to rid of that man I used to be, that I don't."

She gasped. "Souna…"

He touched her hands. "I am still the Battousai, deep inside of me. I can't run away from it."

She shook her head violently. "Iya! You're not-"

Cutting her off, "If I hadn't been the Hitokiri Battousai, then I would never have harmed you," he whispered softly, delicately caressing the wounded area of her shoulder. He could feel the bandage that she had tried to put on by herself, the trace of the sword blade that he marked with ownership.

She stared at him, breathless, the world vanishing piece-by-piece right in front of her weary eyes. It was as if, suddenly, the man she had known for all those months had become a complete stranger.

"_Unless you believe in him, he will die."_

Did he really think she was a fool? She could see so right now, right there, that he was dying already. He was dying yesterday night when he slashed her shoulder and breathed inside of her. He was dying since that night, until now. And perhaps, he was starting to die ever since she met him.

She was really an idiot, a complete idiot. How could she not see? How could she not have known this? Even though he refuses to tell her of some things of his past, she could very well understand.

Yet…she was blind. He was dying and she didn't even give it a thought.

Is it too late now?

"Kenshin…" she whispered, her eyes still locked at the man in front of her. They stood so close, yet his presence was sensed so far off.

He will die, Kenshin will die because he is already only a step away. Once he kills a man, once he does, Kenshin is gone; the Hitokiri Battousai will only relive its infamous history.

This she knows.

She must save him, that she must.

Hence, without hesitation, "Iya, Kenshin, gomen." Her eyes flared in the reflection upon Kenshin's.

He blinked. The girl is losing her mind, he thought. He eyed her with a deep sigh. "You silly, I said before, don't be too hard on yourself. Who's the one to be sorry here?"

But she shook her head. "I should be the one," her voice softened, lowered into the breeze of the still air. "I didn't mean it really, to say that you are still that manslayer."

He stiffened.

"Shikashi," she continued, "you're no Battousai to me. You never were." Suddenly, she pressed forward and binded her arms around the frozen man in front of her, her head resting between his shoulder and neck, her voice echoing in his crimson red hair.

There was still in shock before he realized that she was hugging him. He didn't know how to react.

"Kenshin, I still believe in you."

There were no more words needed, nothing else. He could feel the heat boiling up inside of him. "Kaoru-dono…omae," he trailed off.

She smiled. "Don't go, Kenshin. Don't leave me."

Everything…just went wild.

Confusion in the mist clouded his mind. Reality began to distort and the sense of time becoming increasingly difficult to follow. It felt as if he just missed out half of the life he had lived in.

He wasn't sure if he should be happy. Yet, shouldn't he be? She was saying these words, the words he thought he'd never hear, she had forgiven him, had taken him into her arms, her care, and mended his pain.

But he didn't deserve it, not now, not ever.

"How can you…how can you still say that? After what I did to you, how can you still say that? Kaoru-dono, you baka, you baka…" he choked on his words, locking her with his arms even tighter and fighting the tears from his swelled eyes.

She closed her eyes, letting the man whose heart was already torn apart cascade his tears upon her wound. This is what he needed, she thought. Love.

That was what killed the Kenshin she had knew before. That was what brought this man down to his knees and tears into his eyes.

Love. The obsession was too great, his feelings were too heavy, and his heart was too big. He gave everything away for this one thing he seek; his name, his wealth, his power, all gone. And just for the sake of…a little love.

He had given her everything. But how much had she given him? Not enough.

And until she realized it, he was broken.

So right now, she needed to repair him. "I said…" she started.

He let go, his face bowed down toward the ground, his hands wretched in restless motion upon her arms. Slowly, but comprehensibly, "Wakata. Kaoru-dono, if you shall say so, then I too, will believe in your words, that I do."

And then he smiled, white reflection chaste on his lips, the moonlight flashing upon his glittering eyes, shimmering with sparkles under the dark night.

It was so remarkable, the most beautiful smile she had ever seen.

"Ashiteru."

He was alive again. The victor had claimed his prize.

Him. Not the Hitokiri Battousai.

And not the rurouni either.

This time, he chose to be Himura Kenshin.

* * *

**notes:** yes, this is don now. Remember that this was supposed to be oneshot, I just split it up, so don't expect much lol P The ending is a bit quick, ya di da, I'll try to write more fanfics of this anime in the future. Anyways, ja XD  



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